Things I Don’t Understand

Things got real over the last couple of posts so I’m going to go light on this one.  It may seem like a random dart thrown but I thought I’d try to have a little fun with some things I don’t really understand.  They aren’t deep thoughts or anything.  These are just things that apparantly most of the rest of the world enjoys or appreciates but I just don’t quite get.  I have some pretty lame hobbies to some with my sports cards and video games but I guess everybody has their own thing.  I don’t take it as a knock on me rather just something others don’t understand.  So you can do the same if I cover something that you like in this post.  And I certainly hope I do.  I guess the best way to outline this is to do it as a list.  Besides, who doesn’t like a good list.

• Super Bowl Halftime Shows – Ok, so timing is good to list this one.  Crystal and I were just talking about this last night.  At halftime, I said it was probably time for us to go, which was met with “but it’s the halftime show!” It was Coldplay, who came out to a song from 1999 (or at least it seemed) and that was about all I heard.  Everybody gets all up in arms every year about who the performer is.  I feel like I’m one of the only Americans that could care less.  I don’t even like halftime shows with rock music, a la Red Hot Chili Peppers a few years ago.  It’s rarely real singing and it’s mostly theatrics for the wow factor.  We’ve had the nip slip, some chick shooting a bird and then the controversial Beyoncé performance last night.  What’s the actual point?  There is really not much entertainment value when you break it down but that’s what America acts like everytime the NFL announcers the big act a few weeks ahead of time.  This year they made this big super secret announcement.  It was Coldplay…..who will it be next year?  Creed?  Wake me up when Slipknot belts out a tune as people wave neon flags in the shape of a football.   
• Singing Shows – While we are on the subject of entertainment, what’s up with all of the singing contests?  Or now, lip synching contests?  I’m talking to you Bri!  It has been established over the last few years that apparantly half of the US population thinks they can sing.  Some can, but most are like the average person in the shower.  They sing ok but if you asked them to write a song or play an instrument?  Not happening.  There are obvious exceptions: Phillip Phillips writes and plays guitar, Daughtry did the same.  Hell, Daughtry didn’t even win the show he was on.  I love music, albeit atypical music, but I’m not buying any of these shows.  Now, Chasing Victory?  They didn’t need a show to make it.  They were good and they worked hard, the way it’s supposed to be.  And don’t even get me started on Local Noise, right Mike?  Hang on, let me download the latest Taylor Hicks album.  
• Reality shows – I couldn’t talk about tv without hitting this topic.  The tube in my house is almost always on some reality show.  Real Housewives, Mob Wives, Teen Mom, and those are the decently produced ones.  The whole glorification of teens having babies aside, they just aren’t good or believable.  Sorry Alicia.  I absolutely do not watch any of those but the wife has a DVR full.  I’ll watch Deadliest Catch or Dual Survival or something on Discovery Channel because I can justify it as being education of some sort.  I’m selective, but you can have that other stuff.  There are hundreds out there that are just downright dismal.  Lizard Lick Towing and Hardcore Pawn come to mind.  TruTv has made a mockery of television and I can’t turn away sometimes.  They don’t even have good actors.  They’ve taken real people, given them a script and asked them to act out unbelievable story lines.  Matt Damon couldn’t pull off these gems, nevertheless some guy that runs a pawn shop.  I heard today that TLC is looking for a replacement for Left Eye just so they can do a reality show. Wow – that’s really all I can say.  Let’s just run down a partial list of the people that have likely made more dough in the reality show game than they did in their real career: Flava Flav, Chyna, Vern Troyer, Bret Michaels, All of the housewives and even Peter Brady.  But people lap this stuff up like its the best thing since Seinfeld.  That makes me “madder than a toothless dog in a meat house.” ~ Ron Shirley, Lizard Lick.
• Kim Kardashian – I mentioned reality shows, so what the hell?  I really don’t have to explain this one though, do I?  What legitimate reason is there for this person to have 40 MILLION followers on Twitter?  That’s a real question.  What is it?  This family has made an empire out of TMZ reports.  And those Twitter followers are serious.  If anybody says anything cross about Kim, they will destroy your life.  At least your social media life.  The only person in the family that ever worked was the dad and he helped get OJ off of a murder charge.  That guy deserved a reality show.  He had something happening worth watching.  Don’t share this with any of Kim’s followers.  I don’t have the time or resources to fight them off.
• Remakes of previous Hollywood hits – Halloween, Friday the 13th, Chainsaw Massacre, Karate Kid, Ghostbusters.  These are all worse than the originals.  I kind of get it though because there is a time and place for a remake I suppose.  Oceans 11, Cape Fear, Dawn of the Dead and Night of The Living Dead are all remakes that hit pretty well and were actually just modern day updates to the originals.  Where they lose me is when the story gets changed to interest today’s audience.  If that has to be done, just make a new movie and call it something else.  I’m a big fan of the original Halloween series and I enjoy an occasional Rob Zombie film but I didn’t need Michael Myers to become some torturous deviant to like the movie more.  He was “the shape” in the original movie. In the Zombie films, he was a kid that did things I won’t even discuss here.  Too much, Rob.  Make the movie you want and call it your own.  Don’t ruin a classic for pure shock value.  Although Malcolm McDowell was a welcome replacement for Dr. Loomis.  
•  Serving Sizes – Switching gears abruptly here but this one really does blow my mind.  Ever studied these things?  When did a bag of M&M’s become 4 servings?  It should take me 4 swings at a bag of M&M’s to finish them off?  Two OREO cookies?  Half of a 12 oz Dr Pepper?  One pop tart?  What world am I living in?  You may have realized that I like to eat but let’s be honest about our servings.  Don’t take shortcuts to reduce the number of calories you have to print.  I don’t like doing math when I’m eating potato chips.  And some things have a half in there.  You’re asking me to eat 2 1/2 chocolate chip cookies?  Let’s be real and make the serving size 5 and I won’t need a calculator.  And don’t even ask me to figure out actual meals.  You have to add for cheese and mayo?  Those are staples.  Give me the total and let the non-Americans that eat a hamburger without cheese subtract.  This one belongs on the pet peeve list too.