Almost 28 years ago, I met a girl that would one day become my wife. I didn’t know that then, but I am thankful every day that it happened. When I met her, I also met a family that would become my family. I met a younger sister that I would learn would have my back even when Alicia and I would inevitably spend some time apart. As most young relationships are; we were on again off again a couple of times before we decided to make it forever. Now Ashley is my sister and I am so blessed to have her.
I also met a mother that I “think” liked me from Day 1. I don’t know what I did for that to happen but if it wouldn’t have, I may not be typing this particular piece today. As a young lad, you learn quickly that if the mother doesn’t like you, it will be an uphill climb. As a second mother, Mrs. Charlotte has been so good to me. We kept in touch during those “times apart” and our relationship has always been great. There are people who don’t get along with their mother-in-law. I can’t relate to those people. I am probably second among her favorite son-in-law’s but I still think she likes me. I hit the jackpot with the mother-in-law sweepstakes.
I also met a father who may not have liked me as much as Mrs. Charlotte did in the beginning. And I can’t really blame him for that. I know that I am not going to like my daughter’s boyfriends either. It could have been that I was a city boy. Or it could have been that the first movie I brought to the house was a horror movie, “The Crow”. Or it may have just been that I was showing an interest in his daughter. And he was never mean to me; I just knew that I was going to have to prove my worth to him to be accepted.
So I started way back then trying to show him that I was a good guy that was going to treat his daughter right. But most of the work I did on the good side was offset by some of the things that got on his nerves. I would call way too late at night or try to call in the morning before school; just to talk for a minute. I kept bringing horror movies. And I was clearly not much help as a farm hand back in those days. Alicia had to teach me that getting muddy and swimming in a cow trough would not give me some rare disease. But I think I got there to some degree.
Mr. Lee was a dairy farmer at the time Alicia and I started dating. He was at work when I got to her house in the evening and I only saw him for a little bit while we ate supper. He was usually tired or getting ready to go back to work again. One thing that was apparent early on was that he worked a lot. It didn’t matter what day it was or what time it was; if work needed to be done, he was there doing it. Except on Sundays. He went to church and took his naps on Sundays and we left him alone.
That was another thing I learned early on. Mr. Lee was a fervent Man of God and he devoted a lot of time to singing in the choir and was in church every time a service was to be had. We were expected to be there too. And I am thankful that the woman I would marry had that background. I had that background too and we have had to lean on our faith many times during our marriage. That faith was built in us by both of our parents.
Mr. Lee gave to his church throughout all the years that I knew him. He was a committed choir member, and even spent his little bit of spare time working on the building and the grounds. If an air conditioner needed fixing, he was there. If a door needed replacing, he was there. If floors needed work, he was there. Even two weeks ago, he was leading the choir as the interim choir director. He was devoted to God and his church; and I always admired that about him.
As the years passed, he left the dairy business and moved over to the poultry business with his family. He still worked day and night. I remember us waiting on him for supper or planning trips around when he was free. Up until a few years ago, I never knew what kind of work went into managing a chicken house. But I certainly learned a lot about it later on in life.
He loved fish. From the time I remember going to Alicia’s house when we were teenagers, he had always had a salt water aquarium. He would spend much of his free time managing that tank; feeding fish, changing water, looking for new fish. He would spend off days in Tallahassee at aquarium shops just looking and learning. And he would also spend a lot of time eating oysters. That was his go to in Tallahassee!
The one aquarium grew to multiple and he even built his own koi pond in the yard. He started out with a pond that he built himself. And when he and Mrs. Charlotte moved into his old childhood home, he had some professionals come and build a beautiful in ground pond with lights, waterfalls, and rock walls. Man, he loved that pond. And we did too.
Like me, he loved the Atlanta Braves and the Georgia Bulldogs too. I took him to his first Georgia game in 2014 when Todd Gurley, Nick Chubb, and Sony Michel rushed for 301 yards and 4 touchdowns in a 45-21 route. Gurley also had a 100 yard kickoff return for a touchdown. The atmosphere was electric and I will always remember that game with him.
When Bailey was born, we saw a new side of Mr. Lee. He became “Granddaddy” and his love for her, and all the grandkids that followed, was such a sight to see. He would let them push him way farther than we were ever able to. He let them get away with so much more but it was beautiful. He was such a great Granddaddy.
We had some great times over the years. We took trips, spent holidays together, and watched sports. But as close as we had always been, all of that changed and we got even closer in 2020. When COVID hit the US, I started working from home and the school had gone virtual, so Alicia didn’t have to report for work at the campus. We looked at our options for the short term. We both had parents that were compromised in some way and didn’t need to be exposed to the virus. We also had very little info on the virus and we were scared.
Mr. Lee and Mrs. Charlotte opened their home to us and we moved in with them from February until October in 2020. We all took turns going to the grocery store, cooking, and cleaning. Though, make no mistake about it; Mrs. Charlotte carried the lion’s share of that work as she always does. We just tried to help out where we could. You never get as close with someone as you do when you live with them. I lived with my parents for 18 years. I have lived with Alicia for 21 years. Those are close, close relationships. And I really got close with Mr. Lee during the time we lived with them.
I had my own 9-5 that I was working with my laptop. But being on the farm, the day doesn’t end at 5. I would head out with Mr. Lee in the afternoon and we would make rounds at the chicken houses. We would repair broken feed lines, check for water leaks, take inventory of feed bins, replace broken fans, check temperatures, and everything else that comes along with that line of work. I learned a ton during that time. I have always been a fairly light do-it-yourself guy and would lean on him or my dad to help with big projects. With the chicken houses, I learned a lot that I never thought I could do on my own. He even started to trust me with doing some of the odd jobs by myself.
My brother-in-law, Michael, lives on the farm and was already waist deep in all of that work. But when COVID hit, he and Ashley stayed quarantined because of her work and I had to pick up the slack. Then there were cows that needed to be moved from grazing to pasture. There were electric fences that had to be checked whenever it rained or the wind blew too much. There were fish to feed. There was always something to do and I think keeping busy helped me cope with my own fears about what was going on in the big world at the time.
I was also struggling with my dad’s diagnosis and being unable to spend much time with him. I had an ever present fear of him getting sick if I had been exposed by a farm worker or from groceries at Wal-Mart. During that time, Mr. Lee was there and talked with me about what I was going through and kept me busy to keep my mind from going to too many dark places. I will never forget that. We would just sit in the truck with the Braves game on in the background and we would talk about what was going on in the world, with my dad, and with our families. We talked to each other about things that we just didn’t talk about with other people. I felt safe to do that and I was honored that he felt the same.
While I haven’t blossomed into a full blown Farmer; I did my share of chopping wood, culling chickens, changing water out of koi ponds, checking on wells that weren’t working, answering alarms that needed attention, helping wrangle up cows that were to go to the sale, and clearing up downed fences to keep the cows in their pasture. I found out that there was another side of me that I didn’t know was there. I have been an office man for 24 years. But there is a little bit of a country fella in there too. I just had to dig for it and he had to teach me how to do it.
Our relationship grew as strong as ever over the last couple of years. Even though I was still trying to impress him like when we first met, he had truly become my second dad and a friend. He was there when I needed to complain, or vent, or tell a funny story too. He always had advice and was always receptive to what I had to say. I would never trade the time I was able to spend with him in his element.
When we lived with him; we had dinner together, we worked on things together, he shared ice cream with Georgia, he taught Bailey how to handle the Kubota, he shared fish pictures with Alicia so they could decide which ones to buy, and started a little goat farm (though that was not exactly my doings). We sat every night and talked about random things. We watched “Counting Cars”, “Dual Survival”, and “Dr. Pol”. I couldn’t get him to watch “The Office” but that was about the only thing we didn’t do together. And then, when he was headed to bed, he would turn to Georgia and say, “Be Cool.” That became a nightly thing. And I still say it to Georgia from time to time today. I would love to hear that again.
When we lost him on February 23, 2022; Mrs. Charlotte lost her husband, and Alicia and Ashley lost their father. I lost my buddy. I lost somebody that would complain about Braves losses with me. I lost somebody that understood the pain that came with 40 years of no National Championships. And I lost someone that knew what it was like to be outnumbered in a house full of girls.
When I watched the Braves win the World Series at my mom’s house in October, he was the first person that called during celebration. He said, “How about that?” and we both were so happy. We didn’t miss a game when I lived with him. Then, when Georgia won it all in January, he was again the first person to call me. We could not believe that we had experienced a Braves and Bulldogs Championship in the same season. It was the mountaintop for our sports allegiance. And we were invested together.
I don’t know how I will react when I watch my next game. I don’t know what emotions will come up when the Braves decide what they are going to do with Freddie Freeman. Mr. Lee was not ready to see a Braves team without their leader. He was worried about that just a few weeks ago when we were talking about the lockout. I also don’t know what it will feel like when I have an urgent need and he and my father are both gone. I just don’t know. I didn’t think I would have to know this soon after I lost my dad.
But what I do know is that Mr. Lee loved his family. He loved all of us. He said it on multiple occasions when we were all together over the last couple of years; whether camping or just having dinner. He remarked at how blessed he was to have his whole family sitting there together. I know what he was talking about now. I took it for granted while it was happening; but I get it.
He will be missed by many people. That was evident at his funeral. He was a strong community man and a proud member of his church. And he was a lot of things to our family; husband, father, father-in-law. But I think what he was most proud of in the last couple of years was his being “Granddaddy.”
I am going to miss you, Granddaddy. I am going to miss everything about you. I am going to miss you being grumpy because everybody didn’t wait on you to eat. I am going to miss our brainstorming sessions of trying to figure out how to set-up the camper for the first time. I am going to miss looking at new fish that show up in a box on the front porch. I am going to miss the chicken houses. I am going to miss when you ask the girls to give you that hug when it’s time for us to go home. I am going to miss you telling Alicia to “Let nature take care of itself” every time she wants to save an animal. And I am going to miss your head shaking when the bullpen gives up a run.
Until we meet again Granddaddy, “Be Cool.”
J-Dub