It’s a saying as old as time that we have all been told at some point in our lives if we have lived any reasonable amount of years – Age is just a number. I’m here to tell you that we have been lied to. Age is in fact many things, both tangible and not, some good some bad, but clearly more than just a numerical identifier of our existence. But before I go on a ramble of what those things include, I want to get some general understandings out of the way. To begin with, I am aware that I am not the oldest person on this planet. I am not even the oldest person that will be reading this blog. There are others that have had tougher lives, have more physical issues and are generally hanging on by thinner threads than myself. The point of this is not to complain about getting old or seeking sympathy. However, this is my first time “getting old” and I don’t have any prior experience. I am figuring this out every day and while there are several obvious downsides to aging, I want to point out (and also remind myself) that there are some less known positives that need to be discussed. So let’s talk about what age really is.
Wisdom – We all have different experiences in life. Those experiences help us form our opinions of the world and our fellow man. Some of us go through physical issues or loss while others go through emotional or mental difficulties. While unique to each of us, they provide lessons that are crucial to our continued survival. These experiences teach us who to trust, how to deal with adversity, how to protect ourselves, how to protect the ones we love, how to love, when to let love walk away, when we need to reach out to friends and when we need to try and figure out things on our own. Wisdom is more than just being knowledgeable. Wisdom is using our knowledge (more detail below) to make more sound decisions than when we were 18 years old.
Knowledge – This characteristic could be good or bad. Like wisdom, our path through life forms the amount of knowledge we have. The way we were raised, the people we surround ourselves with, the amount of news we take in and our presence on social media help us stay in touch with what is going on around us. The world is constantly changing and as we age, we are better able to sort the junk from the real information. You may be asking how knowledge can be bad. Consider this – Alicia has decided that there are just some things that she’d rather not watch or know about. She doesn’t watch the news like I do. She sees things and hears about them from me or friends but she does not sit down and watch the news programs. I, on the other hand, will turn on one of the 24 hour news channels when I lay down for bed and watch until I fall asleep. While she is sometimes in the dark on what polling numbers are, she also doesn’t let contracting flesh eating bacteria consume her thoughts when she spends a day on the creek. She isn’t concerned about Zika virus when she’s working in the yard. So you see, sometimes too much knowledge can be a bad thing.
Awareness – The older you get, the more you can say, “I’ve seen it all”, with conviction. Of course, the more you see, the more you are able to see. Think back to the Allegory of the Cave, discussed last week. When you first step out of the dark and see the sunlight, the harder it is to keep your eyes open and look around. You have to become accustomed to the light. As your eyes adjust, the more you can open them wide and take in the view. As you age, you become more aware of when people are lying to you or when they need help and are afraid to ask. If used appropriately, awareness, and to a greater degree, self-awareness can be powerful traits to possess. I think that the older I get, the easier it is to tell when I am pushing too hard or when I am overstepping my bounds. I hope to continue to hone that skill and become ultimately self aware.
Empathy – Some people may be born with empathetic traits but most are developed during life. Some people never even develop them. I have found that aging has increased my ability to be able to understand and feel for people when they go through tough times. By no means does this mean the person with empathy totally gets it and can relate to the person going through those times. But as we get older, we realize how precious life is and how important each year, month, week or even day becomes. We don’t want to see people we love spend those days in turmoil or misery. By extension, we feel a certain level of pain for that person and want to help or take away that pain. We can only imagine that if we feel it, even if on a small level, the person experiencing the issue must feel like they are in figurative hell. When we hear about a friend being diagnosed with cancer or a couple losing a child or someone going through a divorce, we have the appropriate experiences in life to put that event in a perspective that makes it real enough for us to understand the gravity. This can be a tough one when it becomes a part of our make up but I would rather have empathy than be someone who can’t feel it.
Apathy and Intolerance – These go together because I have reached a point where I care so little about certain things, I can’t tolerate the thought and effort it takes to be upset about it. This is not the intolerance you may immediately think of. Getting older hasn’t made me dislike other religions or races or sexual preferences. The intolerance I am referring to is that of mundane activities or bullshite. When we live in this world long enough, we tend to become sick of the latest public outrage or “false flags” of our twisted society. We stop caring about some things, for better or worse. I don’t really care that much about waiting in a long line to do something that lasts 2 minutes, i.e. roller coasters. Do I still love them? Yes, but if the line is too long, I’m good without it. I don’t dwell on the fact that I am not a homerun hitter in softball. I don’t need that to prove my manhood. And I especially don’t need steroids or illegal equipment to keep up the charade. I don’t have to see movies in the theater. I don’t have to have the newest automobile accessory or sound system. I guess it’s not so much “not caring” as it is caring more about important things. A lot of times, I just don’t care…..
Strength – This is not about brute physical strength. This is about being a strong person with moral fiber and a belief system we don’t compromise to satisfy others. This is about being able to support one another when needed, to be a shoulder to cry on – holding our children when they are tired even though our body is weak too – staying awake on a long car ride when everyone else in the car is asleep – pushing through a work day when we’d much rather be in bed – putting that fun thing back on the shelf because we know a bill is due soon. That is strength and that comes with age, maturity and development. That is one of the great things about getting older but also is not something we tout to a 20 year old as a perk. I am proud that I can do those things but I am not running to Bri or Aaron or Zibby and saying, “Just wait until you have bills to pay and you have to stop buying “toys” or that long night where you can’t lie down and rest yourself because your kid needs to be held until they go to sleep. It is a blast.” While I am not touting it, it is a clear sign of adulthood and a big indicator that you are growing up.
Fatigue – When there is strength, there will inevitably be fatigue. Carrying the weight of a family, bills, friendships and a perennial fantasy football dynasty means we are going to crash from time to time. The good thing about getting older is that we can accept it more. Fatigue was a sign of weakness at 21. If we couldn’t stay up and party all night, we were lame. I submit to you that it is a sign of strength when you reach your 40th birthday. The fatigue comes from doing things that the body and mind have a more difficult time doing than they did 20 years earlier but you still do them. It comes from pushing yourself to your limits mentally and physically. All of the things above create that fatigue. Being empathetic toward others, remaining aware, using wisdom and knowledge, caring for those around you – all of this can cause wear and tear. If you’ve tried to do things the right way, you can wear the scars as a badge of honor. The fact is I am tired. I will get more tired I am sure but when I am comparing myself to a 30 year old Dub, I am beat.
Respect – With age, comes respect. I’m talking about respect for other people, your world, work and talents. In our mid 20’s, we thought we were the next big thing. We thought we had it all figured out and had the world by the balls. We didn’t know a damn thing. We were just too prideful or ignorant to accept that we didn’t know a damn thing. Now, I respect that friend that is fighting through a divorce or the single mom or dad that is raising their kids alone or that guy from high school who was headed for death or jail that turned it around and is a productive, honest human being. I respect what my parents had to put up with when I was growing up. I respect my teachers for not killing me when I was the class clown. I respect my friends and family for trying to do the right thing and teaching me the same. I respect Andrew Luck, Stephen Curry and Mike Trout for their athletic talent. I respect Chino and Dustin Kensrue for their ability to turn words into art. I thought I was good enough to do what they are doing when I was 22. Yes, that would be the definition of an ignoramus.
Nostalgia – I guess this is probably the best part of getting older. Every generation experiences it. There was no better time to grow up than when “I” did. For my generation, there will never be another Nintendo or Saved By The Bell or Friday the 13th or Mike Tyson or Michael Jordan. When you age, you long for those things that bring pleasant thoughts and memories to your fuzzy mind. I can’t remember much about school or work but I remember the first time I saw Halloween and I remember the night Christian Laettner hit “the shot” against Kentucky and I remember Sid sliding into home. I remember fishing tournaments with my dad and RA basketball games and spending the summer fishing in Papa’s pond and going to the flea market on Sundays with Granddaddy and Gaga telling us to “put the damn presents down”. I hope I’ll always remember those things. If not, the blog will have to serve as my memory because those were all great things.
So yeah, that age thing. It’s not just a number. As a matter of fact, it gets harder and harder to remember the number every year. Forty will be an easy one but I am guilty of having to back into the number by subtractive the year I was born from the current year, I can’t lie. Well, I can but I am not right now. Getting older is not all bad. Old is relative anyway. I used to think 40 was decrepit but here I am, knocking on the door. Now, I think 60 is old and 20 was a thousand years ago. I think I am doing better at 40 than I anticipated when I was 20 but I can’t say I spent too much time thinking about it. I think about age a lot now. It’s hard not to. I see friends with kids getting married or graduating. I see kids from when I was a teenager having kids. There are no longer any Tecmo Bowl players in the NFL. Michael Jackson, Muhammed Ali, Ultimate Warrior are all deceased. I am getting older and there is no way around it. I am trying to learn to live with it and accept that it is a part of the grand cycle. In the end, it is worth noting that I am thankful to be here. Hopefully, I’ll feel the same at 60, should I make it.
J-Dub