Pet Peeves

  
I am going to tiptoe into the waters of contention.  We all have pet peeves.  Some of these are even habits or ticks of our loved ones. It doesn’t mean that we love them any less.  It just means that they can piss us off from time to time by getting on our nerves.  Odds are, you will agree with a vast majority of these.  But then again, there is bound to be one that makes you think, “Is he talking about me?”  The answer is no.  I just think it’s time to publicly talk about some of these personal annoyances.  I’ll preface this entire post with the following disclaimer:

“These are my views and mine only.  Some of my friends and family may be guilty of these.  I know that I have been guilty of some of them in the past.  This is not a call out post nor is it driven by anyone in particular or anything that has happened recently.  Feel free to hate everything I do.  It’s a free country (for now) and you are entitled.  I love you all and I am having fun with this.”

And with that, let’s get started.  These are in no particular order.

• Parking in handicap spaces when you are not handicap – Ok, so this first one is probably on all of our lists.  It’s not just a pet peeve but illegal.  It’s an obvious one right?  Well, why do so many people get away with it?  The fire lane too for that matter.  A quick drop off and pick up in the fire lane is one thing but I have seen people park in the fire lane and go in and shop.  If it’s too small of an issue for the police to worry about, maybe the citizens should handle it. Who remembers the Seinfeld episode where George parked in the handicap spot and the other shoppers destroyed his car?  Is anybody running on that platform in the upcoming elections?
• Slow drivers in the left lane – Another obvious you are saying.  I’m not talking about people that are keeping me from speeding.  I guess I have to live with that.  No, I’m talking about people doing 45 in a 55 in the left lane.  Every single afternoon on the way home on 19.  Road rage be thy name.
• Not thanking (or even acknowledging) someone for opening or holding a door – Now this one is a little more obscure.  It doesn’t happen quite that often but when it does, it really gets me.  I think it’s the polite thing to do but when I hold the door and somebody breezes in like it’s their entrance to the red carpet, it leaves me miffed.  I usually give them a nice unsolicited “You’re welcome!”
• Ordering food and not eating it – This one is pretty specific for me.  Bailey is one of the pickiest eaters you’ll ever meet.  She also has no concept of the value of money.  She is usually so occupied with the kids menu or iPod that she just picks something.  When it’s time to eat, you’d think they brought her a plate of roadkill.  She turns her nose up and says “this isn’t what I thought it was.”  Oh really, that’s not a chicken strip?
• Talking during a movie – This could also qualify during a good song.  If you want to talk during Jackass or Nacho Libre, by all means, knock yourself out.  But when a man is watching Super Troopers, for the love of all that is holy, don’t talk over the punch lines.
• Bluetooth phone devices – How many times have you been on an elevator and thought a stranger was talking to you only to get the ole finger point to the ear as they expose the Bluetooth headset?  Yeah, kind of embarrassing.  When it happens a second time on the same elevator ride, it’s your own fault.  
• Writing a check at the grocery store – This an old gag for some standup comedians but it’s definitely enraging.  It’s 2016, even Dewey Shiver is rocking a debit card.  The check is written, the cashier has to check ID, write the license number and expiration on the memo line.  Print some serial items on the back of the check.  Come on, I’ve got cold milk here.  
• Going through the express lane with more than 10 items – Another retail nightmare.  I’ve even chatted with cashiers who don’t like this one.  As a cashier, you come off like a jerk if you turn people away but the guy with 4 items gives you the death stare when you take them.  I blame the customer on this one.  The sign says 10 items or less.  11 or 12 is acceptable but pushing it.  Get out of here with that full cart.
• 10 registers and 2 cashiers – This one is on the store.  Is it a staffing issue?  Too many people on break?  I can’t honestly think of a time that I’ve ever seen every line open.  Not that it would be feasible to do that all day, but let’s get some bodies in those kiosks.  As an added bonus, I always pick the wrong parking lot to use at Wal-Mart when they lock one of the entrances at 10 pm.  Curse you Wally World.
• Pay at the pumps that say “Clerk has receipt” – This is in my top 3 on this list.  As part of my OCD, I can’t simply drive off without my receipt.  That is inviting the state patrol to pull me over and question my activities at the station where I just pumped gas and drove off without that slip of paper.  Then laziness kicks in and says “Are you really going inside to get that receipt? ”  The answer is always yes and in 22 years of driving, I’ve never been pulled over on suspicion of not paying at the pump.
• Getting $20.01 in gas instead of $20.00 – Another gas pump nightmare.  It’s been a lot easier with gas prices under $2.00 per gallon but when they were over $4.00, you had to be Pistol Pete to get that nozzle stopped on the penny.  My twisted mind usually makes me pump another .99 in to get it rounded.  God help us all if I mess it up the second time around.
• Being an “expert” at something but pronouncing names and towns wrong – there are literally people on TV that get paid to talk about sports and can’t pronounce a players name.  I get it, they’re difficult to pronounce.  But it’s your job!  Verne and Gary are the worst.  They don’t just mispronounce, they get the whole name wrong.  Alex Ogletree, Damien Swain, Jarvis Jenkins, Rayquan Smith, Jason Scott Wesley?  All of these are wrong.  Is there nobody in their headsets telling them this?
• Country Music – Welp, you knew it had to be on this list.  I’ll spare everyone the dialogue on this one.  Just keep that stuff to yourselves.
• Hashtags – Ooof, this one has been a tough one or me for years.  So many people use them I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s just me.  But it can’t be.  I refuse to be wrong on this one.  First off, it’s a pound sign, not a hashtag.  Secondly, it was created to assist in search results in social media.  I.E. If everybody was talking about the Braves, you would search with #Braves.  I think it really lost its value when Charlie Sheen started #Winning.  Much love JFP!
• Anything called “The War On” – Nothing much to add.  Let’s just stop using it.  I don’t need to hear about the War on Soft Drinks.  The day soft drinks lead to a war is the day I’m checking out of this 3 star hotel.
• Debates on sports or news channels – Specifically, Stephen A. Smith and that blowhard Skip Bayless.  If you don’t know them, type them into YouTube and go load your gun.  You will be firing rounds into your screen in no time.  Political sparring is also rather fruitless.  There isn’t a person on tv or radio that will ever make a point that I am arguing against that leads me to say “you know, you’re right.  What have I been thinking?”
• Alicia asking me what I want for supper – Man, you want to see a simple situation go 0 to 100?  The dreaded question.  There is no right answer.  What I want isn’t what you want and definitely isn’t what Bailey wants.  What I want is a fat steak and potato but you can’t get that at Sonic.  I know this one goes both ways.  I also know that we are only one of millions of couples that experience this.  
• CrossFit posts on social media – This really isn’t as bad of a problem as it has been.  It’s still there.  The chick straining to toss the cinder block and using 7 filters to make it look rustic.  The dude body slamming a Tractor tire while grimacing in pure agony.  We get it guys, you work out really hard and you are better than the rest of us at WOD.  Whatever that is. Most cross fitters should take a hint from my man Heath Gilbert.  He lets his statuesque physique say “I do crossfit.”  His posts don’t have to.
• Any post on social media that says “Type Amen” or else – More social media nonsense.  I really don’t think that’s how it works.  A share doesn’t prove that I love God.  A like isn’t going to cure cancer and I’m not going to hell for not sharing a bible verse.  
• Controversial cryptic posts – This is a tricky one.  It’s a peeve because it turns me into an online investigator.  When someone posts”I saw someone today and you won’t believe what this person did.  I had such high respect for them before that.  It just goes to show you that he never grew up”.  You’re right, I don’t believe what he did because I don’t know who you are talking about people:  but thanks, you just sentenced me to a night of reading every post you’ve written to properly analyse this.  The comments you are receiving aren’t helping either because apparantly I’m the only one who doesn’t know.
• Grown men who used shaved bats – Well, here we are.  One of the saddest things to happen to adult softball.  It used to be about defense and base hitting and strategy.  I’m qualified to say “used to” because I’ve been playing it almost 20 years.  Now, the technology does most of the work.  It’s not hard to make contact in softball. If you have an illegal bat and you are 6’3, 250, give me a break with the grunting and whooping when you hit.  
• Grown men who still need to fight to prove their manhood – Thankfully, this is dwindling for the most part as well.  There are still those knuckleheads out there that want to mix it up.  I’ve never been a fighter.  I have a job to go to on Monday morning and I don’t want to do it with my face looking like hamburger meat.
• Sore winners – I’m looking right at you Florida Gators and FSU and Auburn and Bama…..just forget it.
• Healthy food – Plain and simple, it stinks.  CJ’s meatball subs, not a healthy choice.  Harvest Moon’s cheesy bread, same.  Eron’s brownies, bad bad.  I eat what I enjoy.  I may be dead at 45 but I sure will enjoy the next 7 years at the dinner table.
• Commercials on Internet videos – This one is new to us.  But it’s getting worse by the day.  I love YouTube.  I’ll watch tv shows, movies and funny vids all night sometimes.  Now, the commercial has made its way into my viewing.  Ads on our app games.  Ads on commercial free XM radio.  Enough!
• Being hot – Not in the looks department as I rather enjoy that. You deal with the hand you’re dealt right?  I’m talking temperature.  It’s a given that you are going to be hot in summer in So Georgia. Being hot in December just ticks me off.  When it’s time to sleep, fans on, air is low and I’m very light on the covers.
• Car pick up at school – This one is just odd to me.  I used to go read to Bailey’s class on Thursdays and would arrive at the school at 1:30.  The first couple of times I noticed one or two cars parked at the pickup area and thought nothing of it.  Later on I found out that these parents were legitimately sitting in a school parking lot 2 hours before school was dismissed so they could be first in line to get the kids.  I’ve been at the end of the line before and it takes about 15 minutes to get to the front.  What is the worth of sitting for 2 hours in the parking lot?  Unless you have a great talk radio setup.
• School traffic – I’m just going to say this.  Parents lose their mind and subsequently their driving abilities when they take their kids to school.  Parking spots are created from the slimmest of resources.  I find myself literally taking a deep breath after dropping Bailey off and being thankful that it is over.
• No reception or bad wifi – Until Pam and Dewy got wifi, I could go through a 100% battery in about 30 minutes and actually get through to about 3 websites.  There was always a score to check or an eBay item to buy that left me twisting in the Verizon-less Camilla wind.  
• Incoming phone calls when I’m watching a video – This is even worse when combined with the peeve above this one.  You’re sitting there letting this video load.  A painstaking process.  Then, you’re ready to go so you push play.  About 20 seconds in you get a call to pick up some milk at the grocery store.  The video doesn’t just stop, it restarts from the beginning.

Whew, I’m glad I got that off of my chest.  I could probably go on but that’s enough for one sitting.  I think I’ve gotten agitated enough.  I’ll get a Part 2 out one day I’m sure.  Maybe there won’t be too much backlash over this one and I’ll still have readers at that point. If you have one that you want to share, add it in the comment section and it might make the next one if I share the peeve with you.  Let’s get back out there and get annoyed.

Joey