Category: Uncategorized

How do you know the people in your life are right for you?  If you stop and think about all of the different people you are surrounded by, it might be surprising to realize how different most of those people are from each other.  That doesn’t mean that our friends can’t be each other’s friends or wouldn’t at least get along.  But for whatever reason, for the most part, it doesn’t work that way.  Not that it’s the most original concept ever, but I believe it’s our need for different types of people in our lives.  To be well rounded, you have to diversify your assets.  Some types you may not even realize you need and some types you know you could never live without.  We all have these people and they help make up the story that is ours.  Some of our friends could have multiple  characterstics below but sometimes it’s necessary to find those who specialize in certain areas.

The one that you trust.  This one is a biggie.  There are several people that I trust to varying degrees but this is the person who would go to their grave with your secrets.  We all have things we need to get off of our chest, things that help us heal or move on from past experiences that would otherwise hinder our growth.  In order to do that, you have to have someone you can talk to and not worry about ending up being the subject of a Facebook rant.  When looking for that close friend or even best friend, trust is a top priority.  It takes a while to establish but can be taken away in the blink of an eye.  This person might know your PIN number or they might know your elaborate plans for world domination.  Either way, it’s locked in the vault of your friendship.

The one that pushes you.  By nature, I am complacent.  I find comfort in routine and normalcy.  That mentality helps me ride this emotional roller coaster that we call day to day living.  But  sometimes we need a nudge in a time of uncertainty.  We need someone to challenge us to improve or to convince us to take a leap of faith.  Like when you are comfortable in a job that isn’t going anywhere but is meeting your needs.  You could probably do better but why risk it when things are going ok?  Or when you are getting by and are “just satisfied” when total fulfillment is just an unknown path away.  That friend comes in handy in those times and not only pushes you to take chances, they walk with you down that dubious path.

The one that is rational and conservative.  Sometimes, you can get a little carried away with living on the edge and chasing the next “high”, so to speak.  Sometimes what you need is a reminder that your life is moving at a safe and sufficient pace.  You may have unreasonable expectations of what you deserve or what you should have but these friends have a way of putting things in perspective and helping you manage the risks vs reward when making those life decisions.

The one that looks up to you.  If you are doing some things right, there is likely at least one person looking at you and appreciating your knowledge or wisdom.  Imitation is the highest form of flattery.  So when things are moving in the right direction, you might find someone walking in your footsteps or leaning on you for advice or depending on you to be that person that pushes them.  It’s an honor to be seen in that light but should never be taken for granted. Your influence might be stronger than you think and should be managed wisely.

The one that you look up to.  Everybody has someone they look up to.  It’s usually more than one person but there’s always at least one.  This person can light the way for you when times are bleak.  Their advice or actions usually stick with you and reveal themselves when your back is against the wall.  Many times, they have no idea you have this image or appreciation of them.  We should probably tell them but they probably already know as well.

The one who’s always down for anything.  I have this one picked out in my mind and have already started cracking a smile.  While you always need a dose of rationale, you very much need that person in your life that will help say, “screw it” and throw caution to the wind.  You live by rules 24/7 and it’s no fun to break them by ourselves.  This person usually holds several roles in this list but this might be the most important.  What’s life if you’re not living it, right?

The worldly one.  You don’t know everything, despite how experienced or smart you think you may be.  Unless you’ve read the urban dictionary from cover to cover, there are going to be some things that just go right over your head.  Some of these things that go over your head make you look silly or out of touch.  That’s what this person is for.  Nobody wants to be accused of a “thotcrime” or be a victim of “ghosting” and not know what it means.  That’s where your worldly friend comes in and explains what these things mean, saving you from embarrassment.

The naive one.  In relation to the one above, sometimes you need to consider yourself the worldly one even if you are not.  The way to do that is to have a friend who is wholesome and set in their ways so you can help them and multiply your own street cred.  The key with this is to not hang out with the naive one and the worldly one at the same time because your web of self confidence will unwind before your very eyes. 

The work one.  Let’s face it.  Your job is not your favorite aspect of life.  Unless you are a professional athlete or musician or a lotto winner, you likely have to drag yourself to some job that you may claim to love or even actually enjoy to some degree.  But a job is a job and they all have their moments.  You’ve got to have that work buddy that you can unload on and find empathy with.  All of our friends can help sometimes but a banker isn’t going to understand the problems of a policeman and a policeman isn’t going to understand the problems of a teacher.  That’s where our work friend comes into play.  They can understand bad days and help celebrate victories because they understand what you’re going through.  Everybody needs a work friend.

The strange one.  Lastly, there is the friend that doesn’t fit neatly into any category.  When I say strange, I don’t necessarily mean that in a literal sense.  This could be someone that you can’t figure out how you’re friends to begin with.  Not that it’s a bad thing but on paper, it just doesn’t make sense.  The important thing is to not question it, just go with the flow if it’s working.  I’ve found myself friends with people from all walks of life that I share very few common interests with.  But for some reason beyond my comprehension, we just click and I enjoy their presence.  Of course, this could also be taken in the literal sense as well.  I’m pretty sure it’s common to have that oddball friend that brings a change of pace to our lives that is needed.

I could try and put a name and picture by each one of these but I’m fortunate in that many of my friends can be all of the above when they need to be.  I want to stress again that many of our close, personal friends wear multiple hats for the purposes of this discussion.  But, those that aren’t family usually become friends for one of these reasons originally and as we get to know them over time, we realized they bring so much more to the table.  Maybe the point is that anybody that brings something to your life that’s needed or missing deserves a chance.  They may turn out to be a one trick pony and that’s what we need at that given time.  But they could also turn out to be a jack of all trades in the friend characteristics department and we need to stock our cupboard with those because they are rare.

J-Dub

  We first met in 1993, although that meeting was not indicative of what the future held for us.  Or maybe it was in some ways too.  I was umpiring Mitchell County Rec Softball and a hotheaded young girl decided to pop off at me for calling her out.  Nevermind she was out by a solid step, she wasn’t having it and chirped all the way to the dugout.  I can’t remember whether I warned her or her coach, but it was a warning none the less. We did not seem to care too much for each other that night but things would change over the next 2 years.  It just so happened that I met the woman of my life that night.  I just didn’t like her.  Those feelings changed drastically over time and I eventually asked her to take my name.

About a year later, at the illustrious Video Superstore, Alicia would pop in from time to time with her friends but rarely rent a video and would start conversations with, “can we come in without shoes?”  Years later I would discover that my derrière is what attracted those ladies to the store on those visits.  I would’ve loved to hear the conversations they were having when they whispered around the store. 

 Not long after that, my friend Jim and her cousin Jennifer were putting the wheels in motion to introduce us formally.  I was a bit older than her but we agreed to meet for a movie at her house.  Movies were currency to teenagers in those days and I was a rich man.  That first date was a showing of “The Crow”.  I’m still ridiculed by my father in law for bringing too many horror movies over during our teen years.  I honestly don’t even remember much about The Crow except Brandon Lee was accidentally killed during the making of the film in a shootout scene.  

One thing I do remember about that night was meeting my sister in law, Ashley.  She was quite the nosy host and would not leave us alone to watch our movie.  I distinctly recall Alicia telling her over and over that we really weren’t watching a movie, in hopes of getting her to go to her room.  That didn’t work.  As annoying as that seemed at the time, she became a tremendous ally to me down the road and is now the best sister in law you could have.  More on that “ally” talk in a minute. 

 The next three years was filled with good times as we grew up together.  We played tennis, watched every popular movie that came out, went fishing, rode four wheelers, swam in cattle troughs, bowled, played putt putt and rode dirt roads side by side almost 24/7.  I remember calling her everyday from the pay phone in the lunch room at school.  It was the only thing that got me through the morning in those days.  On the few occasions that the line was busy or no one answered, I was a wreck.  I would call her at night when I got home from her house and she would try to time answering the phone with such quickness that her parents wouldn’t hear it.  We would call each other in the morning before school, angering our parents.  I would even go to Mitchell-Baker from my house using the most ridiculous route possible hoping to pass her in the morning.

We had our down times too of course.  I broke up with her on a Friday afternoon as I pulled into Panama City with a friend of mine.  That was not a good beach trip.  She fell head over heels for some chump in Wal Mart while I was on my senior cruise.  Don’t dispute Alicia.  I spent so much money on that cruise making long distance calls that I had to borrow $20 from a chaperone to eat on the way home and I still run into him today and he asks for his $20 back.  During one of those break ups, Alicia exchanged letters with a young lad or friend, I can’t remember.  What I do remember is when we got back together, Ashley called me into her room, shut the door and pulled the letter out to show me.  She had stolen it from Alicia and was making sure I knew what a floozy Alicia was while we were apart.  Always looking out.  We eventually really broke up during her senior year and I thought that was the end of it.  I assumed that this high school love was a part of growing up and we were both grown by then so we were heading our seperate ways. 

 The following 3 years was up and down and we never completely lost touch with each other.  We may not have talked directly to each other for a while but I talked with her mom regularly and she was still good friends with my aunt.  Over time, I began to realize that there weren’t many, if any, women out there compatible to me like she was.  We both dated different people during that time but nothing was clicking for me.  I remember running into her while she was in school at Valdosta one night.  I imagined that night playing out with us getting back together and getting back on track but it ended with her dropping me off at Munt’s apartment and me snuggling up to Nut on the couch for some late night Sportscenter.  Not a bad second option but not my highest hopes.  

After Jim and I moved to Albany, I felt like I was turning the page and was settling into a nice job.  One night after a softball game, I got several calls saying that Alicia was looking for me and wanted to talk with me.  She was working in Albany then and was going to Darton.  I remember her coming over and just wanting to talk because her lengthy relationship had recently ended and apparantly she had not gotten ole J-Dub completely out of her system.  That’s the way I will imagine it and there’s nothing that can change it.  We talked that night rather openly and agreed to try to stay in touch and spend some time together.  I didn’t really know how to respond that night but I remember being really excited in my heart.  I had a very difficult time letting go of her and just when I thought I had done it, she was back, albiet as just an old girlfriend at the time.   

 We did spend more time together and it didn’t take long for the love feelings to resurface.  We sort of just found ourselves back together without really meaning to I think.  I did realize it was happening and I didnt want her to get away again.  After a short time back together and becoming exclusive again, I knew what I had to do.  I regret not being more romantic or spontaneous that night.  I tend to think of myself as a cheesy romantic these days and have always surprised Alicia with trips and gifts or just small tokens of love.  Not that night though.  At my apartment after she got off work, I sat her down on the bed and said, “we should get married.”  That was it.  I had a ring and I said we should get married.  No hiding the ring, no big presentation.  I was a dud that night and that is one regret I’ll always have.  I just didn’t want to risk blowing it I guess.

A short time and a lot of planning later, we were walking down the aisle at Hopeful Baptist Church making it official.  I was marrying the girl of my dreams.  It was a solid 8 years and a couple of breakups later but we were tying the knot.  A lot has changed since that day.  We have both grown older.  We have welcomed Bailey and Georgia into our family.  We have established ourselves at our jobs.  We have less money and more bills.  We have gone to awesome concerts, beautiful beaches, cozy mountains, relaxing cruises and spent countless days and nights traveling the countryside together.   

 As we’ve gotten older and responsibilities have grown, the one on one time has dwindled and is rare.  We enjoy it that much more when we do have it.  It’s just not often.  Our days are spent taking kids to school, working, taking kids to lessons or games, planning holidays and birthday parties, paying bills, folding clothes, cleaning house, cooking and doing dishes.  Just normal adult stuff.  But it creeps up on you one day when you realize that you have created distance between you and your soulmate by just trying to survive every day.  Tomorrow, April 21, will mark 15 years of laying my head down every night next to my true love.  Regardless of the things life has thrown at us, or the days we feel like we see each other for 15 minutes, we spend 8 hours laying next to each other every night and I know she’ll be there for me and I’ll be there for her.  That’s marriage.  That’s life.  It’s not always romance, getaways or fancy dinners.  Sometimes it’s pizza rolls and Kraft Mac n Cheese while the kids destroy the house and the dog tries to torture the cat.  Sometimes it’s crashing into a heap for a 3 hour nap on our only day without the kids.  But we are together and I know in my heart we will be until our days on this earth are over.  That’s what my relationship with Alicia Shiver is.  I love that woman, even though I didn’t like her when we met.  I guess the foreshadowing of that night, why I think maybe it was somewhat indicative of our future, is the fact that our first meeting consisted of me swearing I was right and her swearing she was right.  The problem is that is the last time I won the argument. 

 I love you Alicia and Happy 15 (23) years!

Joey

 (This in the present, is a mistake)

What is it about the past that makes it seem so much more fun than the present?  Every generation draws battle lines with such gems as “when I was a kid” or “back in my day”.  I have touched on various topics that take me back to yesteryear and I have very much enjoyed the trips down memory lane.  But were they really better times than now? Or is it because responsibility was less, the amount of bills were smaller and the pressures of life were minor?  Maybe it’s the fact that I can never return to those days so I long for them more and more.  You know, you always want what you can’t have.  For me, like most, the past is memorable and fun, the present is usually a struggle and the future is just plain scary.  But maybe in that one sentence, some of the answers begin to reveal themselves. 

 (Did someone mention just plain scary?)

I read a few articles in preparation for this piece to see if I could understand it more in an effort to avoid rambling.  An interesting take from Dr. Art Markman resonated with me.  Think about the sentence in the first paragraph about the past, present and future.  Let’s start in reverse.  What makes the future scary?  Well, first of all, the future is unknown which inherently leads to feelings of uneasiness.  The unknown creates feelings of fear, anxiety and apprehension.  Even on small levels, let’s say like when you are opening a gift, you may be generally happy in the moment (present) but not knowing what’s in the box makes you impatient and creates a tiny moment of tension (future).  When you reflect on the gift, you already know what it was so there is no anxiety or tension (past).  Think about a larger scale, your life.  Are you going to have a job a year from now?  Are your kids going to be doing well?  Is your marriage going to be solid?  Is your bank account going to be alive?  Those are pretty intense unknowns.  We can all project where we think we’ll be but the truth is we don’t know why tomorrow will bring.  And that is indoubtedly scary. 
 (This was a scary day but a wonderful memory)

Now think about the present.  The here and now is unfolding minute by minute and the pressures of the next few minutes are compounded by whatever emotions we experienced over the last few minutes.  We could be fighting work problems, helping kids with homework, doing yardwork, cooking or writing a blog.  It’s all a balance of what we are finishing and what we are starting.  The present is a blur most of the time.  We also spend a lot of the present thinking about the past or future.  Those can be mixed feelings.  We can fear decisions we made in the past or we can revel in personal moments of glory.  By the same token, we may be fearing what tomorrow will bring or be excited about potential opportunities.  Much of those feelings are dependent on our varying circumstances.  But in general terms, the present is just about survival.  As an employed, married, parent, decisions have to be made, people are to be kept happy and watched after and responsibilities are managed.  Its kill or be killed in the present, if you’ll allow the hyperbole.

Which brings us to the past.  While the future is unknown, the past is obviously known.  There is no anxiety about how things are going to work out.  That’s why we can even laugh at bad moments, because we know the end result.  Think about the time you fell down the steps at the post office (Andrew).  Looking back at it, it’s hilarious.  You didn’t get hurt and your life wasn’t necessarily altered due to that event.  Now, think of it in the present.  If it was happening right now, there would be some pain, some humiliation and some regret.  Not that hilarious.  Even worse, think of it as a future event.  What if I told you that sometime in the next year, you would fall down a reasonably high set of steps.  I’m not telling you when or where, just that it could and probably will happen.  Well, that’s not fun at all.  Further, if you go back to the specific day it happened (which would put you in the present), that could’ve been the day you locked your keys in your car or closed word without saving or got the wrong order at lunch.  When thinking of it in a past tense, those aren’t the things you remember about that day.  It’s the steps.  So the other little parts of the annoying present aren’t a part of the trip down memory lane. 

 (Even me and Chase got along in the past but probably not in that present day)

So, it would be safe to say that we are selective with our memory.  The present is bogging us down and we try not to think too far out into the future so when we go to the past, we hit the high spots.  We remember what we want to remember, if you will.  That cool story about the video store?  I think I was failing health at that time (that’s right Elizabeth).  Me and Alicia broke up once during those days.  I had to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.  I smashed my face in a golf cart during that time.  But that’s not the focus of that memory.  It’s the good times at the VS.  How about my baseball card collection story?  One of the Cotonio brothers ripped a Ken Griffey Jr. of mine in the lunchroom.  I traded Todd Hall a nice card for what turned out to be a bunk autograph card.  I never pulled an Elite like Shook.  Not the high points of the story though.  Even when talking about the good ole days at MB, you couldn’t possibly think that it was all good right?  I mentioned failing health.  I didn’t know if I graduated until the night of the event.  I have a couple of very rough patches in high school that don’t make for good reading.  That’s not to say that what is there is not true or an embellishment.  But therein lies the key to the past.  If you talk about the past, it’s all things that you knew the end of the story to and you can skip over the parts that may have seemed important and rough at the time but turned out to be very minor in the grand tapestry of your life.  

I’m sure there are some real scientific studies and reasons behind all of this too but to me, this simple explanation makes a lot of sense.  It’s all about the magnitude of the event, which is compounded in the present, and the unknown of the future that makes both of them less comfortable.  We also learn from the past and beat ourselves up more in the present for repeated mistakes.  If you burned your hand on an iron when you were 12, you may look back and chuckle at the story.  If you burn you hand at 39, you think, “what an idiot!  Those things are hot, what were you thinking?”  Two totally different approaches and responses.  None of this makes the past less important or less memorable or even less nostalgic.  It’s just that the past is not always 100% real.  We gloss over the high spots and focus on the good times.  This may be our souls way of evening out the strain of the present and the fear of the future.  Our hearts and minds know what they’re doing.  The past serves a tremendous purpose in our lives.  We learn, we laugh, we cry, we enjoy, we regret.  But overall, we lived through it and we can use it both to survive the present and to plan for the future.  I love the past and currently have a vacation home located on 1990 Avenue.  I’ll one day live on 2035 Street, God willing, but I’ll never forget the stops along the way.  I’ll just forget the bad parts. 

 (The good ole 90’s)

Joey

  Well, another birthday has come and gone.  As one astute (or wise-ass) 16 year old told me in her card this weekend, “One more year until you’re officially old.”  I really can’t believe it when I stop and think about being 39.  The memories I have written about over the past few weeks seem like only yesterday but in reality are 10, 20, even 30 years ago at this point.  Forty used to seem so decrepit when I was a kid.  I assumed life pretty much ended somewhere in the 30’s and you spent the rest of your years just wandering around the earth telling kids to turn their music down and how much greater times used to be.  The only music I want turned down at this point is country and top 40 but I do think that my generation was the best and experienced the coolest things.

How many kids today can say they rode the rickety wooden roller coaster at the Miracle Strip?  Panama City Beach in general has lost its shine.  Now, spring break is people stripping and blacking out from drinking 24/7.  That’s not necessarily a bad beach trip as an adult but we’re talking about 15, 16, 17 year old kids, sometimes younger.  When we went to the beach, it was about who had the best soundsystem (Jason Lee), walking and driving the strip, going to Miracle Strip, chasing girls (legitimately) and even hitting the usual attractions like go-carts and mini golf.  The closest I got to Spinnaker and LaVela was staying at the Summit one year.  Our room was on the corner and a decent pair of binoculars (Nocks) got us all the wet t shirt action we could handle. I can honestly say that I never had a brush with the law at PCB in the high school days.  Maybe I was a pansy or maybe I was lucky.  Either way, hard to beat those times. 

 Today’s youth have no idea what a good cartoon is!  Transformers, He-Man, actual Looney Toons and GI Joe would wipe the floor with Dora and Calliou.  I’ll give SpongeBob a pass because I still watch it occasionally.  And these shows that Bailey watches are such blatant rip offs of Saved By The Bell and Full House.  They are even bringing Full House back for another run so what does that tell you?  Here’s a gem for you if you can remember what Nickelodeon was like in my day.  You Can’t Do That On Television!  Dude, there would be so many hurt feelings over that show today and the sad part is we are the generation that watched it but would shield our kids from it like the plague!  If you’ve never seen it, please take the time to YouTube it.  It’s really quite bad today but damn it was entertaining back in the day.  Twenty-year olds weren’t even born when Seinfeld and  Friends were in original run.  All night sleepovers were filled with Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies.  Now, they watch their version of the movie and have no idea what it was like in 1989 to watch a camper get slammed against an oak tree while being zipped up in their sleeping bag.  Good times. 

 Music?  I can’t even give this one proper attention in this blog.  I’m still battling people over what music is.  But, in the spirit of the theme, lets cover the basics.  Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice, Poison, GNR, The Police and even Whitney Houston (who I have little experience with) are far superior to Lady Gaga, JT and Adele.  Aren’t they the hot shots of today?  Metallica was even better in the late 80’s/early 90’s than they are now.  Smashing Pumpkins, Blink 182, Cube, Dre….all 90’s baby!  MTV used to play music videos too instead of this Teen Mom and Guy Code drivel they put on now.  Head bangers Ball and Yo MTV Raps, my heads starting to spin.  And spring break on MTV was almost as good as being there.  The music industry, in my opinion, has seen the greatest drop off of anything in pop culture over time.   

 For crying out loud, even wrestling sucks compared to the good ole days.  I don’t even watch anymore but I can remember actually gathering at friends houses to watch it on a weekly basis.  We all had our favorites.  Some of these guys are still around but I’m talking hay day Stone Cold, Booker T, Hogan, Sting, Bret Hart, The Rock, Undertaker, Lex Luger, The Steiner Brothers.  NWA and WWE were both strong.  Monday Night Raw was a show stopper.  Now I guess people gather up to watch The Voice or The Bachelor.  Holy crap, our society has gone to hell in a hand basket.  

Speaking of athletes, check out the list of athletes I got to watch on TV, or partial list for brevity.  Ken Griffey Jr, John Smoltz, Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Nolan Ryan, Bo Jackson, Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Ozzie Smith, Barry Larkin, Rickey Henderson, Darryl Strawberry, Tony Gwynn and Frank Thomas were some of the best baseball players to ever watch.  John Elway, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, Troy Aikman, Jim Kelly, Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, Barry Sanders, Deion Sanders and again Bo Jackson headline another sport and likely aren’t rivaled by the same number of players today.  The best athletes in a sport in my generation has to be basketball.  Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic, Dominique, Penny, Shaq, Reggie Miller, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Hakeem The Dream and Clyde The Glide just scratch the surface.  You know something else cool about those days?  With some exceptions later in their career, most of those players played for the same team every year.  I think the 2016 Braves have 3 players that were on the team last year.   

 Of course there are the usuals, like we could play outside without worrying our parents to death, we weren’t consumed with cell phones (I sort of have that problem now) and we didn’t have access to all the trouble of the Internet.  I guess the kids today could try and make a case for their time but it’d be a pretty tough sell.  I try and give Bailey all of the experiences I had growing up to see what it was like.  We watch 80’s/90’s movies, we collect older sports cards, we watch old throwback sporting events and tv shows.  She knows every character on Seinfeld, she knows MJ was better than LBJ, she knows Ken Griffey Jr. was my favorite baseball player, she knows that Bo Jackson was the greatest athlete or our time and she knows that The Smashing Pumpkins are as good as anything she’ll hear on the radio today.  That’s all any of us can really do as we get older, just try and pass on the things that made our lives great to our kids.  Even those that aren’t our kids.  That 16 year old from earlier could’ve fit right in with us 90’s kids and I’ve told her that before.  I think it was the greatest time to be alive.  Maybe it’s just because it’s when I was growing up.  Or maybe it really was an awesome time to be a kid.  Some may see it as being stuck in the past or refusing to “grow up” but I see it as a way of preserving my youth, even if I am only one year away from being officially old.  So I guess I was right as a kid about getting older.  I tell people to turn down Florida Georgia Line and I spend my time talking about how my time was the greatest.  Can you really argue with Kelly Kapowski though? 

 Joey

  The name has come up in several of my blogs so far so I thought I might take some time and introduce you to the man himself. First, I’m dropping the gauntlet.  I gave him the name Coop.  I don’t care who else claims it, it was me.  He was wearing one of his moms old tshirts from an Alice Cooper concert and it said “Remember The  Coop” on it.  That’s where it started and it’s still pretty much what he’s known by to this day to many.  I have no idea why it stuck but it did.  His real name is Adam Lamb.  He is my first cousin and he was my first cousin on the Kelly side of the family.  He’s also the older brother of the other Lamb that I am spotted with most frequently, Mike.  But Coop came first and was my closest relative and friend growing up.  I’m two years his senior but that was about all that separated us.

There are so many memories I have of me and Coop growing up that it’s hard to pick out just a few for the benefit of this piece.  I guess I’d have to start with RA camping trips.  As kids, this was as good as it got.  A weekend in the woods, playing football in tents, fishing, scaring each other and eating campfire grub.  I don’t even know if those things still happen but if they don’t, kids are missing out.  Coop’s dad, my Uncle Lee, was the head honcho on these trips so we always had a little more parental supervision than the other kids.  But what we also had was Uncle Lee’s peach cobbler.  I still don’t really know how it was done except it was cooked under ground for a looooong time and was usually the Saturday night treat.  I would typically rather have apple pie or cobbler on any given day but that particular peach cobbler was always unbelievable.  We went to several places around Georgia.  Okitayakani had the big generator in the middle of the pond that scared us.  Seminole had the grassy water that made canoeing particularly shady.  There was one campsite, I don’t remember which one, where every night we went to bed, we could hear gators grunting in the lake.  Me and Coop would race canoes, play football in waist deep water and try to scare everybody when it was time to go to bed.  Man, things were so much easier then.

One thing about Coop is he’s always had an unfortunate relationship with the camera.  Two of my favorite photos illustrate that.  The first one is from one of our trips to Disney World with the family.  Our papa has always had some sort of time share or something in Orlando and the whole family went.  It turned out that Coop was not a big fan of the mine train and somebody was able to snap a photo at just the right time.  There was a time when he really didn’t like that photo and got mad when you brought it up but I think we are past that now. 

 The other photo was from the skating rink.  I believe it was my birthday because there are several photos of different family members skating that day.  Ole Coop took a tumble and again, somebody was there to snap his picture and he had one of his classic, “what are you looking at” faces on. 

 
As we grew a little older, we both fell in love with basketball.  Coop had a dunk goal in his backyard and had a concrete court with flood lights covering it.  We would play on that court day or night, rain or shine.  We would play to 100 and once we got there, would start all over again.  I don’t know what our career record ended up being but I think I got him in the head to head.  We would team up though and take care of most of our competition.  Except one team.  There is one battle that lives on in my head and will never fade.  Dewey and Lee.  We had baited them and baited them and they finally gave in and played us at the lake.  And they won.  I don’t know how.  They just beat us.  It wasn’t skill and it wasn’t luck.  It was just them overpowering us and beating us.  That’s the only way I can justify it. We would beat most everybody we played at lunch at MB but our dads will forever be 1-0 against us.  That one stings.  I know it does for Coop too.  We both took it hard that day.  We should’ve just played Chase and Michael and this would not be a lingering issue.  Of course, when we rounded out our team with Brewer and Munt on Saturdays at the Westwood gym, it was a thing of beauty.  Along with real basketball, we also competed at NBA Live, Double Dribble and any other video game we could get our hands on.  You are probably familiar with the “Go Reggie” story at this point.  

Speaking of video games, there are some great stories from that arena.  Our thing was staying up all night and playing Tecmo Football or Basketball or Contra or Bases Loaded or Double Dragon.  Whatever was hot at the time, we were on it and we would play until our eyes crossed and thumbs ached.  One night we weren’t supposed to be up playing but Coop couldn’t contain his excitement, which happened often.  He got a tad rowdy and Uncle Lee bolted into the living room and came real close to throwing the Nintendo in the yard.  Another night (around 3 am), in a fit of exasperation, he was sitting on my couch and threw the controller in the air and smacked his arms against the wall behind the couch.  Above him was a shelf that had trinkets, tea pots and anything else that made a tremendous amount of noise.  This shelf came down and Pam was in the living room before everything settled on the floor.  Parents-2, Coop-0.  The funny thing though was Coop was always less phased by all of it than I was.  It didn’t really get to him.  The parents scared me to death but I really think Coop liked that sort of thing.   

 Things weren’t always peachy with me and Coop but even those times have their spots in history.  I remember when me and Trent wanted to play football and Coop had an RA basketball game THE NEXT DAY and needed to “rest up” and caused the whole shabang to go off the rails.  We were so mad about that.  Then there were the fights when we actually did play football at BeBe’s at Christmas.  Those video games led to some pretty contentious moments too.  With the old Nintendo, you could angrily reset the game with very little effort.  And I may have taken a little too much pleasure in some of his moments of discipline from his dad.  His famous “What a crock” comment that was met with a stearn, “What did you say boy?” comes to mind.  And I almost got to see what it looked like to have one’s teeth wrapped around their neck, thanks to our relentless repitition of a made up dumb word.  One time, as a prank I promise, I pushed him from a moving golf cart and he broke his wrist.  But maybe the angriest I’ve seen him though is the day he got his panties in a bunch over the most famous line from our childhood….”It’s a sardine, get Adam a cracker.”  I don’t even know what made him so mad about it except we all laughed.  A dead fish on the bank of the lake and a random comment from his dad sent him into a blind rage that day.  

There were so many good times though that outweighed those fights.  We successfully navigated Dalton’s horticulture class as a two man gardening assault team.  We both made fun of the same basketball players for getting schooled.  We both took pleasure in beating Southside in RA bball.  We both pounced on Trent in the “that’s why your mama doesn’t love you” incident.  We both even had the same sworn enemy after high school.  We did a lot of stuff together before life took us in different directions.  Even though it did, we still see each other and laugh about the same things.  We still talk basketball and we still talk about the good ole days.  Cheers Cooperelli! 

 

Things got real over the last couple of posts so I’m going to go light on this one.  It may seem like a random dart thrown but I thought I’d try to have a little fun with some things I don’t really understand.  They aren’t deep thoughts or anything.  These are just things that apparantly most of the rest of the world enjoys or appreciates but I just don’t quite get.  I have some pretty lame hobbies to some with my sports cards and video games but I guess everybody has their own thing.  I don’t take it as a knock on me rather just something others don’t understand.  So you can do the same if I cover something that you like in this post.  And I certainly hope I do.  I guess the best way to outline this is to do it as a list.  Besides, who doesn’t like a good list.

• Super Bowl Halftime Shows – Ok, so timing is good to list this one.  Crystal and I were just talking about this last night.  At halftime, I said it was probably time for us to go, which was met with “but it’s the halftime show!” It was Coldplay, who came out to a song from 1999 (or at least it seemed) and that was about all I heard.  Everybody gets all up in arms every year about who the performer is.  I feel like I’m one of the only Americans that could care less.  I don’t even like halftime shows with rock music, a la Red Hot Chili Peppers a few years ago.  It’s rarely real singing and it’s mostly theatrics for the wow factor.  We’ve had the nip slip, some chick shooting a bird and then the controversial Beyoncé performance last night.  What’s the actual point?  There is really not much entertainment value when you break it down but that’s what America acts like everytime the NFL announcers the big act a few weeks ahead of time.  This year they made this big super secret announcement.  It was Coldplay…..who will it be next year?  Creed?  Wake me up when Slipknot belts out a tune as people wave neon flags in the shape of a football.   
• Singing Shows – While we are on the subject of entertainment, what’s up with all of the singing contests?  Or now, lip synching contests?  I’m talking to you Bri!  It has been established over the last few years that apparantly half of the US population thinks they can sing.  Some can, but most are like the average person in the shower.  They sing ok but if you asked them to write a song or play an instrument?  Not happening.  There are obvious exceptions: Phillip Phillips writes and plays guitar, Daughtry did the same.  Hell, Daughtry didn’t even win the show he was on.  I love music, albeit atypical music, but I’m not buying any of these shows.  Now, Chasing Victory?  They didn’t need a show to make it.  They were good and they worked hard, the way it’s supposed to be.  And don’t even get me started on Local Noise, right Mike?  Hang on, let me download the latest Taylor Hicks album.  
• Reality shows – I couldn’t talk about tv without hitting this topic.  The tube in my house is almost always on some reality show.  Real Housewives, Mob Wives, Teen Mom, and those are the decently produced ones.  The whole glorification of teens having babies aside, they just aren’t good or believable.  Sorry Alicia.  I absolutely do not watch any of those but the wife has a DVR full.  I’ll watch Deadliest Catch or Dual Survival or something on Discovery Channel because I can justify it as being education of some sort.  I’m selective, but you can have that other stuff.  There are hundreds out there that are just downright dismal.  Lizard Lick Towing and Hardcore Pawn come to mind.  TruTv has made a mockery of television and I can’t turn away sometimes.  They don’t even have good actors.  They’ve taken real people, given them a script and asked them to act out unbelievable story lines.  Matt Damon couldn’t pull off these gems, nevertheless some guy that runs a pawn shop.  I heard today that TLC is looking for a replacement for Left Eye just so they can do a reality show. Wow – that’s really all I can say.  Let’s just run down a partial list of the people that have likely made more dough in the reality show game than they did in their real career: Flava Flav, Chyna, Vern Troyer, Bret Michaels, All of the housewives and even Peter Brady.  But people lap this stuff up like its the best thing since Seinfeld.  That makes me “madder than a toothless dog in a meat house.” ~ Ron Shirley, Lizard Lick.
• Kim Kardashian – I mentioned reality shows, so what the hell?  I really don’t have to explain this one though, do I?  What legitimate reason is there for this person to have 40 MILLION followers on Twitter?  That’s a real question.  What is it?  This family has made an empire out of TMZ reports.  And those Twitter followers are serious.  If anybody says anything cross about Kim, they will destroy your life.  At least your social media life.  The only person in the family that ever worked was the dad and he helped get OJ off of a murder charge.  That guy deserved a reality show.  He had something happening worth watching.  Don’t share this with any of Kim’s followers.  I don’t have the time or resources to fight them off.
• Remakes of previous Hollywood hits – Halloween, Friday the 13th, Chainsaw Massacre, Karate Kid, Ghostbusters.  These are all worse than the originals.  I kind of get it though because there is a time and place for a remake I suppose.  Oceans 11, Cape Fear, Dawn of the Dead and Night of The Living Dead are all remakes that hit pretty well and were actually just modern day updates to the originals.  Where they lose me is when the story gets changed to interest today’s audience.  If that has to be done, just make a new movie and call it something else.  I’m a big fan of the original Halloween series and I enjoy an occasional Rob Zombie film but I didn’t need Michael Myers to become some torturous deviant to like the movie more.  He was “the shape” in the original movie. In the Zombie films, he was a kid that did things I won’t even discuss here.  Too much, Rob.  Make the movie you want and call it your own.  Don’t ruin a classic for pure shock value.  Although Malcolm McDowell was a welcome replacement for Dr. Loomis.  
•  Serving Sizes – Switching gears abruptly here but this one really does blow my mind.  Ever studied these things?  When did a bag of M&M’s become 4 servings?  It should take me 4 swings at a bag of M&M’s to finish them off?  Two OREO cookies?  Half of a 12 oz Dr Pepper?  One pop tart?  What world am I living in?  You may have realized that I like to eat but let’s be honest about our servings.  Don’t take shortcuts to reduce the number of calories you have to print.  I don’t like doing math when I’m eating potato chips.  And some things have a half in there.  You’re asking me to eat 2 1/2 chocolate chip cookies?  Let’s be real and make the serving size 5 and I won’t need a calculator.  And don’t even ask me to figure out actual meals.  You have to add for cheese and mayo?  Those are staples.  Give me the total and let the non-Americans that eat a hamburger without cheese subtract.  This one belongs on the pet peeve list too.

I love my extended family.  I grew up with some of the best cousins a guy could ask for.  Coop, Corey, Jared, Dusty, Trent…..Mike and Ashley were younger but me and Mike get to spend a lot of time together in adulthood.  I’ve come close to ending Ashley’s life a couple of times but she is the only girl so what can I say?  I grew up idolizing my uncle Greg and still do in a lot of ways.  My Untee Ann and I have always had a lot in common, including our sense of humor.  Nancy and I have always loved the same movies.  Speedy was the best pony league baseball coach in Camilla Rec Ball history.  He wore the shortest shorts too.  Had a lot of great times with Bean and Sla too.  But the two men responsible for this whole crazy thing have always been at the top of my list.  My papa, Charles and my granddaddy, Grover.  For now, I’m going to focus on Grover.  Charles will get his own story too soon.

Grover Shiver was a one of a kind man.  I’m sure everyone’s grandfather is but this man was unlike anybody I’ve ever met.  First, I don’t recall meeting many people that didn’t like him.  I’m sure there were some because he didn’t mind telling it like it was.  He was stubborn, kind, tough, loving, funny, serious, all wrapped into one.  He kinda had to be with the kids he had around him.  I’m lucky to have ever met him at all based on the wild stories we heard about how our parents drove him nuts.  I think he got his revenge on them quite often though.

I may get some details of this one wrong but the meat is what it’s all about.  My dad and uncle speedy had bicycles that apparantly had no handlebar cushions.  Not a rarity in those days I understand.  They were no doubt just like most brothers who liked to antagonize each other.  One of them was riding the bike while the other decided it would be a good idea to chase the bike rider with a snake (could’ve been a dead chicken, I don’t remember).  One key part of the story is that Grover had a nice vehicle.  Nice.  Let’s just say the game got out of hand and the metal handle bars did not mesh well with the side of that car.  Not a recipe for a good time.  I think my dad said that’s the worst whoopin he’d ever gotten.  It was either that event or the time he and Speedy flooded the house.  Yeah.

Granddaddy had an awesome but rather twisted sense of humor.  He was always looking to prank somebody.  In his older days, it was hiding behind doors and in closets scaring the grandkids.  If I ever walked in and he wasn’t in his chair, I was on red alert.  My sonar was pinging like crazy.  It didn’t matter though because the hiding spot was always different.  He would even move his vehicle to the back of the house to make you think he wasn’t home if he knew you were coming.  He pulled out all of the stops.  I can still hear his deep bellows from some dark part of the house, inviting you to try to find him.  It was too much to resist and it always turned out scaring you even though you knew what was happening.  That was tame compared to some of the pranks he pulled on others.  Dad told me about 4 am water gun soakings as granddaddy would get ready to go to work.  He’d bust in the room and soak them down in their beds. The way Dewey likes to sleep, I would think that made them even for the car damage.

Another classic was the stuffed rattlesnake.  He drove a gas truck for a living and would carry this rattlesnake with him to scare people.  He would set the snake up in the floorboard of the truck and ask some attendant or tank worker to go get something out of the truck.  It was someone handpicked that was afraid of snakes I’m sure. The door would open and that rattlesnake would be staring eye to eye with them in a strike pose.  He’s lucky no one ever had a heart attack.  Others fell victim to his hot coins.  Most people know that it gets smoldering hot in our neck of the woods.  Cars are even hotter.  He would get out at the store he was hanging out at and place coins on the hood of his car.  Then he would go inside and wait for someone to see the coins and decide they wanted them.  It was always hot potato and he would be seen laughing.  That is one thing about all of his pranks.  He could not hide who was responsible.  The laugh always gave it away.

Even though he would give himself away with the pranks, he had an excellent poker face when it came to fibs.  He could have you believe almost anything.  Of course, a lot of times that would lead you to trying to do something you had no business doing and that would lead to the laugh.  His go to when we would be fishing was the monster catch.  His favorite fishing was bream fishing.  Everybody knows they don’t grow very big.  They are just small panfish.  Now there are big bream but the species is not large.  The big ones he called “titty bream” because you’d have to hold them against your chest to take them off of the hook.  It didn’t matter what size he would catch though, you would think he had a Marlin and it would take him about that long to pull it in.  He used bream busters well after rod and reels became popular and he would play with the same ole small fish on the pole while you caught three fish.  “Get the net” he would say.  I’m pretty sure Aesop had him in mind when he wrote “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

One of the coolest things for me was when he would let me shave him for a dollar.  He’d give me the electric razor and lean back in his chair and get me to shave him.  Looking back, he was quite the crude businessman.  One dollar saved him quite a bit over the years in comparison to a barber shop.  But to me at the time, I would have done it for free.  He would let us do a lot of what we thought were grown up things.  I remember him letting us drive around the neighborhood when we could barely reach the pedals.  I had a little bit of an advantage over the others because I lived right down the street.  I was off to his house almost daily.  I spent as much time there as I did my own house for many years.  We’d sit in that living room and watch the Braves, NASCAR, drag racing and fishing shows.  

He taught me a lot about life too.  They weren’t things that I picked up on immediately but there are things I do today that make me think of him and something he would do.  He did right.  He worked hard, took care of his family, loved his grandkids and kept his name in good standing.  He was a man of his word and people knew that.  He had friends across multiple generations and races.  He was a man’s man in every sense of the word.  He would work his tail off and would still have fun when it was over.  He owned a room with his laughter and jokes.  He was what I want to be everyday.

My dad is very similar to how my granddaddy was so I had double exposure.  I am thankful for that though because my girls never got the chance to meet my granddaddy.  But he lives on through Dewdah.  In June of 1997, grandaddy passed away after a brutal fight with Leukemia. He had some tough health issues later in life and it took a toll on him.  I watched that disease take away the prankster.  It wore him out.  I remember when he was in his bed the last few days.  The family was all gathered and spent time with him.  He had friends come and see him and he would light up and reminisce.  When they were gone, he would be spent.  I’m pretty sure he got to see everyone he wanted to see before it was time for him to go.  All of his kids stayed in his house the last night he was alive.  The grandkids stayed at mine.  We got the phone call in the middle of the night and went down to his house to say goodbye.  That is still the saddest time in my life I can remember.  He was such a strong man to me.  To all of us.  None of us were ready but he was.  The night after his funeral, I spent the night at his house and stayed up sitting in his chair and watching tv.  I guess that was my way of saying goodbye even though I didn’t realize it then.  I miss him a lot.  I think about him often.  When I go back to his house I imagine he is off in some dark room planning to scare me.  I loved that man!  My girls would have loved him.  And I know he would have loved them too.  

Joey

At long last, I have decided to give blogging a whirl.  I don’t know the exact reason just yet.  My writing has long been an escape for me and a way to get things off of my chest without having to resort to being open and verbal, which is not a strong suit for me.  A ton of that writing never saw the light of day while the paper (or keyboard) simply served as my sounding board.

On occasion, I would post my thoughts on Facebook or through an email to a friend.  Those were generally met with positive feedback and I found myself becoming more confident in my ramblings.  Confidence can sometimes push people to do crazy things and this for me would qualify.  I generally don’t intend to start debates or cause friction with people who don’t share my point of view but I am aware that making it all public now will likely do just that.  For that, I am prepared but not yet comfortable.  We’ll see how it goes.

In general, my thoughts that make it to the notepad are focused on the psychological workings of a strange, chaotic, sometimes childish mind. I’m happy to write about what I think is important in my life.  It may not be important to others but we have all taken a weird and winding journey to the present.  Maybe your journey has been parallel to mine.  Or maybe the different perspective can help the journey that appears to be bogged down.  Maybe a comment can change the way I think about it too.  Hell, there is also the possibility that nobody will ever read this blog and one day it will be opened up like a time capsule and people will finally understand why this crazy guy seemed like such an oddball.

Aside from the mental rubix cube that inspires me to write, I’m sure there will be time for some sports chat, music opinions or whatever.  I’m just going to take it day by day and see what happens.  This may turn into something very cathartic for me and others or it may fall flat.  There is only one way to find out and that is to give it a shot.  So, that’s why I’m here I suppose.  Maybe I’ll pick up some passengers on the journey.  I’m sure I’ll have others pulling the escape cord.  Either way, I’ll continue to be me.  I sincerely hope that somewhere along the way, you find something meaningful for you.  Here we go…..

Joey